Accents

What is it about someone’s foreign accent that adds so much to her attractiveness?

Australian accent? Yes. Irish? Yes. French? Yes. British? Mostly. Japanese? Thai? Romanian? Chilean? Yep, yep, yep, yep. Before I get the abuse that is on the lips of all of my friends (“So, pretty much any cute woman speaking to you works, doesn’t it?”), let me say that not every accent is adds to their sex appeal. Then again, don’t get me wrong; I am all in favor of any cute woman that does want to talk to me, but back to the accent conversation.

Something about someone speaking English in an entirely different way that you do, whether it is their native language with a different accent or their 2nd or 4th language, just sounds good to the ear. Some accents don’t work, but frankly, sitting here right now writing this, I can only remember the ones that do work. And the list is long.

The up and down lilt of a French girl giving you directions in English. The high-pitched excitement of a Japanese woman taking a picture of a good sunset. The low murmur, almost growl, of an Eastern European woman telling you what she thinks of that particular opera singer. A good British or Aussie letting out a rip-roaring toast at a local pub. Hell, I think a cute Irish girl telling me I am a lout is pretty hot.

Seriously. The list is long.

Alas, this does not appear to be a reciprocal effect. I have asked dozens of woman from other countries all over the world what accents they find sexy.

“Irish.”
“Australian surfer” (not sure if that was the shirtless surfer part or the Aussie part that worked for her, but why quibble).
“Italian.”
“Give me an Argentinean, but not from Buenos Aires.”
“Any romance language.”
“South African.” I think she actually let out a low moan when she said it.
“A German.” Yes, some women even find a German accent sexy.

Plain ole’ American doesn’t do anything for anyone. Anyone. I have had this conversation fifty times in fifty different places.

“What about a solid American accent?”
“Nah. Boring.”

And sadly, that’s all I got. I ain’t bringing anything else to the game. Now, I have heard some women say that an accent from the American South is sexy – both abroad and back in the States, as I’ve traveled around back there – but alas, unless I am drinking heavily and around other Southerners, I don’t really have that accent.

I love that I’m from the American South – adopted southern, to be sure, but fully adopted. The problem is that I moved around so much as a kid, that I have an almost totally neutral accent. Apparently, I’d be a hell of a lot sexier if I was drinking some bourbon and talking politics with my friend Miles, who brings Southern in multiple auditory layers.

Miles Goggans is the only person I have ever heard who says “beans” in three full syllables. Beee-aaa-nnnns. And when I am around him, with a few drinks in me, I drawl it out with the best of ‘em. Our conversations take a little extra time, but its worth it. At least, it seems that way to my drunken ass.

Miles, ya’ got any plans for next week? Up for Scandinavia? Bring some Makers Mark. And a warm coat. I say we go meet some Norwegian girls.